It’s been a weird couple of weeks. It’s funny how life can change. So fast, and yet stand so still at the same time. I’ve had a lot of time to think the past two weeks. One minute you’re waiting for your husband to come home from work to start your weekend and the next you are in quarantine.
You see my husband came home from work thinking he was extra tired. He didn’t sound right and I made him take his temperature. He never gets sick. EVER. He had a fever and a cough soon followed. Given the nature of our world right now, I immediately sent him into our room and told the boys they could not go in. The mental games that occurred the next 48 hours were awful. You can’t NOT go there….not now. We told ourselves it was silly because any germs he had were likely all through the house anyway, but we couldn’t not be cautious. The boys both have histories of breathing difficulties.
I waited. Waited for it to get worse. I heard day 4-5 were bad. I focused on the boys and reminded myself to take it one night at a time. On the evening of day two, we got word that one of his co-workers had just tested positive for Covid-19. My heart stopped. The funny thing was, at this point he was feeling better. But now, we had this threat and it wasn’t faceless. Had he actually just caught a minor thing, but now we have to worry about a bigger bad knocking at our door in the next week? So, we had him tested. At this point, his fever had gone and he really did seem fine, except for the lingering cough. We actually started thinking there was no way he was positive, he was barely sick. But he stayed isolated as a precaution. Day 6, test results came in and confirmed he was also positive.
At this point, I had to laugh out loud because I knew how lucky we were. To say he had a mild case is putting it… well, mildly! But we knew the boys and I were not clear yet and we settled into our 14-day quarantine. We were lucky, we know that. Our battle was much more mental than physical. My husband was going more than a little stir crazy. Mr. Man, who has his own emotional and mental struggles on the best of days, was not understanding why we were keeping daddy locked in his room. He started to test me, big time! I became the enemy. I was screamed at, spit at and had things thrown at me, often. Just a typical day. Monkey, who is pretty independent by nature, became ridiculously clingy and whiny. I have seen him hug on his dad more in the past week, post-quarantine than I have seen him do his entire five years.
Quarantine life doesn’t look much different for us. I prefer to stay home and avoid going out when I can. But it felt different. It was so odd to know that you can’t just go to the grocery store when you forgot to order something. No one is going to stop in and help you if you need it or give you a break when the kid is having a REALLY unstable day.
I learned a few things this month. I learned that there are a lot of people in this world who are jerks. I have other words, but I’ve settled for that one. People who are quick to treat you as though you have a scarlet letter, but also sit there and tell you you are stupid because the hell you are going through in your mind isn’t real.
I learned that we have some amazing friends. Truly. Friends who will keep you fed, not because you are too ill to cook for yourself, but because you are exhausted from sleeping on your crappy couch and trying to suddenly handle everything as a “single” parent who can’t even hire a babysitter so you can have a coffee break when you need it.
We are lucky. We are blessed. I tell myself that every day. We tangled with this threat and are still here. We both still have our jobs. Life is pretty much the same. But maybe that’s the problem…
Because along the way, I also realized something else.
My life is busy. It’s full of Pokemon, Mario, Zombies, and Avengers. One of my kids has decided that he IS going to be King when he’s older. There’s wrestling, farting, and burping. It’s loud and it’s crazy. Most of the time, I am okay with that. Most of the time, I love it. I certainly wouldn’t change that. BUT. But, I have also realized that even though I love being surrounded by my boys. There is no sparkle. There is no me. I realized today that I had a list of things I needed and wanted to do, but spent the entire day doing for others and never got to my stuff. Even if I had the time at the end of the day for the things I planned, I was far too exhausted. I realized that some of the things on my list have been waiting for me for over a year. This.is.not.okay.
I know I’m not the only mom who feels that way. I know I’m not. We spend our days pouring ourselves into everyone else and all that is left is exhausted and defeated. We’d rather crawl into bed than attempt to do any of the things that would put a little bit of sparkle back into our day. So, I decided to do something for me….
I have recently been introduced to Color Street Nails. You may be familiar with it, you may not. But for me, my nails have always been an issue. They are brittle and break easily. I am rough on them and I refuse to spend a ridiculous amount of money to make them look good. I don’t really spend much on anything like that. However, my job is on camera and I cringe when I hold something up and notice my nails. It’s silly I know. But once in a while, I want to pamper myself. I NEVER get to do anything girlie and Color Street has given me a way to have a little sparkle in my overwhelmingly BOY life. I know I am not the only one who needs a little reminder that it’s okay to take some time to do YOUR thing. It’s okay to pamper yourself and it’s okay to have a little sparkle.
So for today….my family is fine. They are healthy, life is returning to normal and we pray it stays that way. For me, I have decided to do something for me. I have decided to re-open my old Etsy shop with some new reminders that its okay to pamper ourselves. We work hard, Mamas! I’ve also decided to become a Color Street Stylist. Maybe I can make a little to do something fun, maybe I just work toward getting a discount on my own sparkle. Either is good, because I enjoy it and it’s for ME. It’s okay and I refuse to feel selfish!