Monthly Archives: April 2019

The Battle Before

So, here’s the thing about being a parent of a child with “High Functioning” Autism….

I wish people understood.

I wish they understood the battle. The daily fight that occurs before we arrive at any given place. Then maybe, just maybe, they would be able to understand why I am always on edge and perpetually exhausted. Maybe then they would have a better understanding of why I don’t care (unless it’s mid-summer) where my kids’ shoes are.45077208_10214439990247726_9160495227469824000_o

I get it. My kid can put on a show. We know this. Although, as he gets older it does seem to be more difficult for him to hide because the differences are becoming more apparent. I know when you meet him you see a kid who is quiet, well behaved and excited to be part of the group. I get that it takes getting to know him and spending time with him before you can glimpse into our world. “He’s fine,” you say, as you wonder why I seem overly concerned. “He’s SO good!” You say and wonder about a comment I made about our difficult day. But what most people don’t understand is that in order to get to the moment they see, we’ve already waged full-on battle at home. Let me share an example…

Going to church

His teachers love him. They always do. “He’s so sweet and good!” For this I am glad, I truly am. But usually, after I have battled him, I battle myself and wonder if I should have flown the white flag and stayed home. Was it worth it?

Getting dressed… Just because we’ve worn the shirt 50 times just fine does not mean it’s not going to be itchy, too big, too small or simply the wrong color today. There is no precedence to the crimes committed by clothing. Believe me, if there were rules…I could dance that dance. But there aren’t rules. Don’t even get me started on the evils of socks and shoes.

Then, there is the breakfast battle. It’s not what he eats, but how much. Usually, around third breakfast, he is banned from the kitchen (no joke, I have considered a locking fridge) it’s non-stop and it’s obsessive behavior. By now, we are usually in a ball crying because he has realized my intention is to take him outside of the house. “BUT I DON’T NEED TO BRUSH MY TEETH!” Sorry, $1500 in dental work states otherwise, kid. No deal, negotiations over, the line is drawn.

I am already tired. Not to mention, 4-year-old Monkey with his own temper and opinions has stripped and been reclothed at least four times by now. Throw in some brotherly squabbling, hitting and possibly some biting and we have a fairly typical morning.

Today’s outing (church) is a treat… Spring Festival. Which means today Mr. Man does not need to suffer through the torture that is Worship. He hates this and it would mean certain death if it wasn’t for our ever handy noise canceling headphones– which we managed to misplace the week before (THAT was a bad morning!) The kids get to enjoy bounce houses, face painting, balloon animals and popsicles.

However, this change in routine has confused him and he leaves his class no less than three times to come get me during service. The teachers (who are just outside the door and are still getting to know him) seem confused by my concern that he has interrupted service. It’s not the interruption that concerns me, but that he has left without telling anyone. Yes, he seems like all the other kids for the most part. But, please be aware, when confused he becomes a flight risk.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not upset with the teachers. Most 6-year-olds do not require this level of supervision. However, Mr. Man lacks an understanding of cause and effect. He is impulsive. He does and does not think. He appears to understand directions (but if you gave more than one, he doesn’t) and they are not yet in tune with him. You can see why I am always a bit on edge. Most people aren’t as tuned into him as I am. I think “High Functioning” often causes people to overestimate his understanding and underestimate the need for diligence.

I have now spent the service thinking about morning combat, his flight risk, and the effort it takes to pretend everything is “Great!”

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So yes, I did just go into life-saving action to spare balloon Spiderman from an untimely death by blade of grass.

Nope, I am still not concerned that his shoes are AWOL.

(BTW- I keep extras in the car.)

 

 

(This post contains affiliate links, as an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases. However, I never recommend an item unless we use it and love it! Any items linked are items that I have been recommending to friends and family long before this blog!)

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Things We Love…

Okay, Autism Mama’s, let’s be real…. life is crazy! I wanted to take a few moments to share a few items we have found that have made our lives just a little bit easier. Because, anything that can make a struggle a little easier is GOLD!

Noise

Mr. Man struggles with loud noises. Public restrooms are torture. Movie theaters are too loud. A classroom of 30 talking   kids, overwhelming. A screaming younger brother- the worst! Someone suggested we try noise canceling headphones. We got these sport earmuffs and they have been a lifesaver! He now reminds us to bring them and knows to get them from his pack independently when he is getting overwhelmed. They helped him tune out the kids chatter and focus on his teacher’s voice. We can’t go to a movie without them. I have a different pair that folded smaller for portability, but the process to unfold was too complicated and took away his ability to be independent while using them. We love this set!

 

Water Bottles

Water bottles have been a constant struggle for us. We live in Arizona, he needs to bring a water bottle to all activities. However, motor delays make opening most water bottles an issue. If he CAN open the bottles there was always the issue of them breaking with one drop. We drop water bottles… a lot. I needed a more durable material. Water bottles are pricey and I was over them breaking the first time we used them. The other issue was that I had to be able to clean it. If i need to disassemble 20 pieces and use some type of Swiss Army cleaning tool…forget it! I don’t have that kind of time. I look for 4 things when buying water bottles.

  • Durability
  • Mr. Man’s ability to operate it independently
  • Price
  • Ease of cleaning

I came across Contigo Kids Trekker water bottles and love them! They meet all my criteria and both boys love them. My only complaint is that I wish they were a little larger.

 

Bento Style Lunch Boxes

When Mr. Man was in Preschool, I had a problem which I have heard many parents struggle with. I would pack a lunch with a variety of food and I find out teachers were deciding what was appropriate to eat first, last, etc. and would only open (because he wasn’t independent in this skill) certain items. This frustrated him and irritated me. I didn’t pack junk and anything I packed, I wanted him to be able to access. I needed to find a way to give him access and independence. After some searching, I came across the Yumbox. These boxes are great. With the flip of one latch he can access everything I pack. No more overly opinionated teachers dictating his lunch and he no longer depends on others to open all of his food. This became even better when he started Elementary school and he didn’t need to ask for help with his lunch. The boxes are fun and appealing, too. They are also truly leakproof. Yogurt and applesauce…no problem! The containers come apart into 2 pieces for easy cleaning. Note: The outer shell (with silicone for sealing) is NOT dishwasher safe- this will destroy the leakproof seal. I found it best to simply hand wash these with a soft cloth.

 

Pencils

Mr. Man struggles with handwriting. He has a strong grip and pushes hard. We prefer mechanical pencils because pencil sharpeners are either loud or difficult to use. However, his grip is so hard, using a regular mechanical pencil is pretty much impossible. They break more than he is able to write. Then, I found these Handwriting Pencils by PaperMate. The lead is 1.3mm, so it holds up to his intense grip without breaking. Its triangular shape has been wonderful in reminding him how he is to hold a pencil (also, amazing for Monkey who is just learning to write and his hold is awful!) I am so impressed by the improvement in their handwriting since we found these.

 

As you can see, we strive for independence. I can’t always be there to help him and we cannot expect the world to change for him. So, we strive to get him the tools that allow him to be successful and independent. Hopefully, some of the things we love will help make your day just a little bit smoother. Goodness knows, we could all use smoother days!

 

(This post contains affiliate links, as an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases. However, I never recommend an item unless we use it and love it! Any items linked are items that I have been recommending to friends and family long before this blog!)

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What I Learned My First Year Homeschooling…

29064136_10212772547282694_7215172234656523124_oWe have officially been homeschooling for a year now. I see so much growth in the boys and I have learned so much, myself! As I reflect on the past year, I thought I’d share 3 things that I have learned…

  • De-schooling is a real and necessary thing.

I use to hear this term ‘de-schooling’ and I would laugh….that is NOT a thing. Why waste time? Get in a routine and get started. Okay, I am not above admitting that I am wrong from time to time. Okay, I am pretty much wrong most of the time. But here is what I learned about transitioning from traditional school to home. School is hard! It’s even harder on our little ones, and harder yet for those who have struggled. We bring our children home with these lovely visions of magical things in our heads. But our kids….they just see it as home, it’s their safe place. If your child is anything like Mr. Man, then you just brought home a little ball of stress and anxiety. Now, he’s home and starting to relax when, boom, you decide to go all teacher on him. Stress BACK! But now, it’s entered his safe place. I like to think of it as mini-PTSD.

  • Don’t be married to a curriculum.

Yes, I get it..curriculum is expensive. However, please do not feel that if you chose a curriculum, you HAVE to finish it. If its not working, STOP! I am on my fourth math curriculum this year (math is hard) and that is JUST math. *Face Palm* There are many reasons this happened. The biggest reason being that a year ago, I wasn’t in tune with Mr. Man’s learning style. I chose curriculum I liked. Wrong! (Important for sure, but wrong). It is important that both of you enjoy the curriculum and it fits your child’s learning style and needs.  It can take awhile to figure this out. We are getting there, I don’t think we are there yet. But, I feel closer with each step we take. Plus…..shh…I may have a slight love of curriculum and an inability to make decisions. I want them all! I may need to seek help. But really….if something isn’t working, toss it up on ebay and move on! No one has time for that.

  • Focus on what is most important.

I had 3 goals for Mr. Man when we started a year ago.

  1. Spend more time outside.
  2. Learn to read.
  3. Learn addition facts.

I recommend posting these goals somewhere visible. I find that I need a constant reminder to keep myself focused. I often get sidetracked trying to do everything at once. Often, I find that I revert back my classroom teacher way of thinking. I get overwhelmed and my boys mutiny. When I simplify and focus on what is most important, we are all happier. They learn more and I am reminded of WHY we started homeschooling to begin with. I am happy to report that we are reading….voraciously! Our addition facts are coming, it depends on the day. This frustration is another post altogether. One day he knows them, the next it might as well be Greek. Sigh. We have spent more time outside. Not as much as I’d like, but it’s a start. 

I am excited to see what the next year holds for us. Monkey is now joining us at the table and is going to be my math whiz. He’s already shown us that he will keep us on our toes and is going to be a completely different monster than his brother. Aren’t kids fun?

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