Funny how when you know something is coming, but can’t bring yourself to actually admit it. That is where I found myself, unable to actually post my last entry. So here’s the update…
We met with a pediatric neurologist, who agrees what I saw sounds like seizures. However, she feels like they are a different type and does not agree with the medication that was prescribed. We were told to stop the medicine and wait for EEG results. Not sure about stopping the medication, as we have noticed a dramatic change in his mood. He has become very fearful and is showing A LOT of anger. I have been working on preparing him for the EEG, trying to make it fun, not scary.
The psychiatrist took a look at our ASRS and made an official diagnosis of Autism Spectrum Disorder. I still have no emotional idea of where to land with this one. Sure, his delayed areas are obvious and he has some quirks, but there are so many ways in which he approaches tasks and the world that are so amazingly unique. Do I wish everything wasn’t so hard for him? Absolutely. Do I wish he didn’t live with so much fear? Of course! But without the things that are so uniquely him…he wouldn’t be my Mr. Man.
I knew it was coming but now what does it mean!? I don’t even know the proper PC terms…my child with autism, my autistic son?… Do I even care? Do we tell everyone (I guess I just did!) or do we keep it to ourselves? How do I help him through obstacles? How do I equip him to face the world?
Because one thing is for sure… he’s capable, we still have expectations for him and we know he will succeed. But how do we help him be successful in a world that approaches everything so differently from how he processes it?
I always tell Mr. Man that he is the bravest person I know. He is! I struggle with my own anxiety, I know what it feels like to be fearful. I know how much every new situation sets him into panic. Yet, he amazes me all the time. He was extremely nervous about his EEG (and the level of exhaustion he had to be at preceding the test only makes it worse) but he was so brave! I was worried that he’d be too nervous in the unfamiliar surroundings that we wouldn’t be able to get him to sleep. Was I wrong! He hopped onto the table and feel asleep before he was even hooked up. I actually became concerned that he would wake up before the nurse was done prepping him. Afterwards, we told him he won at sleeping. He knew he had to go in and sleep, and that is exactly what he did.
Even in stressful or emotional situations, Mr. Man always seems to find a way to make his Mama laugh. Before the test, we stopped to use the bathroom. He would not let me flush the toilet because he was worried that the loud noise would wake up all the other sleeping children. How I love his heart! My Jekyll/Hyde boy…. stubborn, ornery, angry much of the time, but so thoughtful and kind-hearted, too.
***EEG results came back completely normal. While he may have actually had a few seizures at the beginning of the year, it showed nothing to make us believe there is any ongoing problem. The doctor is hopeful that they were just isolated incidents and that we will not see any more.